Imagine that you’re trapped in someone else’s body witnessing their own movements & words all the time, even when you think about what you want to say, someone else’s thoughts and words come out.
This is why being autistic is so isolating.
NTs see what they want to see.
It’s like neurotypical people, during social interactions with autistic people, are looking at us in a fun mirror with helium voices or something.
Basically, no matter what we as autistic people do, no matter how much we try to accommodate neurotypicals,
they don’t see us.
They interpret our frustration and despair as attacks or petty or aggressive or defensive.
They interpret our passion as anger or argumentativeness.
They interpret our sadness as not even real because we “function” in the things they deem important.
They interpret our cries for help as soft complaints.
They interpret our knowing truths as incompetence or doubtfulness or shyness.
They interpret our reaching out as a humble brag or a one-up.
We are never seen as we truly are.
We are never treated with the respect, support, and kindness we deserve.
We are never treated without judgment.
We are never treated without assumptions of motive or intention.
So many of us have had to learn that our “instincts” or how we interpret non-autistic people’s social signals aren’t “right.”
So many of us have had to learn parallel pathways of interpretation, tone of voice, gestures, symbolism, eye movements.
Neurotypicals never have.
So many of us constantly suppress our natural facial expressions, tone of voice, how we move our hands, hum a song, tap on a pencil, clasp our hands, sit on a chair, walk, where our eyes move.
Non-autistic people just do what comes naturally (to a point) and then make subconscious snap judgements they don’t even know they’re making.
They call themselves rational or “fair” or “objective” when we know it’s bias (research shows it).
We know they’re wrong.
And yet we have to sit there while they look at the fun mirror and react to things we never implied, never said, and never did. We have to real-time watch their assumptions, be told we’re not paying attention, be told to look at them, get snapped at for our tone of voice.
Autistic people put up with so much daily shit that I’m not sure we’re even aware of because that’s just how it’s been since we were 5 years old.
“What if I say it like this..? What if I try a tone like this..? What if I use passive voice..? What if I look at their face?”
We spend our entire lives in a world where all we’re trying to do is convince non-autistic people that we really do mean what we say, we really don’t have an ulterior motive, we’re really not the judgments and assumptions you make every few seconds from watching us.
I’ve written a lot about being autistic, my personal experience, and listened to many others.
I still don’t come close to explaining just how many microaggressions we receive on a daily basis by most non-autistic people.
It’s like non-autistic people have these instant judgement reflexes and we’re the only ones who can seem them.
And if we point them out, they just get angrier, because they can’t see them. If they can’t see them, then these judgements don’t exist. So it must be our fault.
It always must be our fault.
That’s what it comes down to.
And that’s what most non-autistic people decide. That it’s always our fault.
How would you feel as a non-autistic person if you were constantly, daily blamed for something that wasn’t in your control?
Non-autistic people need to learn, understand, and reflect on their emotional judgement reflexes.