Part of being a family man and having strong values is to risk being hated. Truly caring for someone, and wanting to make them a part of your family or inner circle, will come at the cost of hitting them where it hurts. But you don't do this to be intentionally cruel.

You do it because you cant risk compromising what you've built, by letting someone in who potentially lacks your values. But this sort of cruelty demonstrates care. Because if you didn't care about them, then you wouldn't care what values they uphold.

And the worst thing about this, is that often you hit them where it hurts only after they've opened up to you. So it looks like you're using their own vulnerability against them. But you're not. Its just the dark side of strengthening someone out of love.

The more you care about your family & its success, the more you are forced to seek uncomfortable truths through the vulnerability of those you care about. You can only hope that those on the receiving end, whether its your kid or your partner, endure it through understanding.