Parenting toddlers is exhausting. “Terrible-Twos” and “Threenagers” are rightfully earned names. 7 essential priorities for parenting this emotional age:
I'm the father of 3 boys: 6, 3 and 1 years old. It's hard, thankless work met with tantrums and defiance. But Investing in your toddlers builds a foundation for growth. Here are 7 priorities I focus on daily:
1. Prioritize Their Emotions Toddlers are emotional messes. Anger, sadness, fear, frustration, jealousy, etc. Labeling emotions normalizes them and builds a vocabulary. Identifying their emotions opens the door to discuss why they feel that way.
We tend to match our toddler's emotions with our own. Getting frustrated, yelling or handing out a swift punishment. We've all been there. Take a deep breath before responding, and read their emotions.
2. Prioritize Healthy Emotional Outlets Teach your kids to separate emotions from actions. "It's okay to be angry, but it's not okay to hit." "Jealousy is natural, but it's not okay to take." Create space for them to express emotion in a healthy way.
Anger is a common emotion for boys. Space for them to release anger is important. Hitting pillows, throwing balls outside, and drawing are all outlets. Channeling emotion in healthy ways is an important life skill. Destructive habits for adults are typically to numb emotion.
3. Prioritize Consequences Discipline can be most painful for parents, but it's an act of love. Toddlers push boundaries and challenge authority. Match the severity of the consequence with the decision. Putting someone in danger is more serious than violating bedtime.
Some of the sweetest moments with my kids are during times of discipline. Don't discipline out of anger or frustration. Patiently devote time and attention. Explain what they did wrong and why that choice is bad. Make sure they know love for them doesn't depend on obedience.
4. Prioritize Apologizing to Them It teaches toddlers: I'm not perfect. How to apologize. We aren't our choices. How to accept responsibility. Relationships are most important.
5. Prioritize Saying, "I Love You" If nothing else, I want my kids to know I love them. Nothing can change that. A fun way we communicate that is saying, "I love you more than (insert something fun)". For example...
I love you more than: • The Grinch loves stealing Christmas. • Olaf loves warm hugs. • Minions love fart guns (a real crowd pleaser with boys). Incorporating things they like is engaging and memorable. It's speaking their language.
6. Prioritize Expectations Toddlers respond well to expectations. Give a X-minute warning before a transition, like ending play time. Letting them know bedtime is approaching. Consistently give (only) 1 warning before a consequence. This is a great way to care for them.
7. Prioritize Progress Practice does not make perfect. It makes progress. Encourage your toddler to keep improving. They won't be perfect and that isn't the goal. There will be regression, that is part of the leaning process.
Why Do You Want Obedience? To make your life easier? To make yourself look better? That's my default. Focusing on their growth puts the focus on them, not me. Let's not spend more time teaching them how to ride a bike than understanding their emotions.
Parenting toddlers is exhausting but it’s worth the effort. Show your love for them by prioritizing: • Their emotions • Teaching healthy emotional outlets • Making connections with consequences • Apologizing • Saying I love you • Giving expectations • Encouraging progress
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