Before You Emigrate 1./ One of many reasons proffered when people opt to leave Nigeria in the “japa” frenzy gripping us is the positive benefits they’ll obtain for their children in “saner climes.” It’s hard to argue with that. There are definitely positive gains.
2./ But do parents recognise and are we prepared for the new challenges parenting in the 1st world will present? There’s such a cultural shift from the way we do things here and the “saner climes” interpretation of right and wrong. While we can learn much by emulating them,
3./some situations will arise which may stretch us. Some years ago, a new immigrant friend in Canada was almost arrested for leaving her kids (7&5 in her car with the AC on in the summer &dashing into a convenience store). She was gone for 5-7 minutes. By the time she came out,
4./ a police officer was already interviewing the kids. She was incredulous when they told her she is a negligent Mum and were going to give her a citation to appear in court for criminal negligence. It’s probably normal here to have kids wait in the car
5./ while you dash into the store. But by Canadian law, her action was wrong. We probably still remember the case of the footballer who was caught on camera kicking his cat and the uproar accompanying it. Many here thought it extreme,
6./ but animal rights and protection is almost sacrosanct in the saner climes. What am I getting at? I’m referring to social differences which can affect the tangent of families’ lives if one is not aware of them or their import. I have an 8 year old daughter.
7./ Half the time, she doesn’t want to plait her hair. Her ears aren’t pierced. (None of my girls is pierced). People usually refer to her as my son when I’m out with her and she keeps saying to them, “I’m a girl. I’m not her son.” But it’s hard to blame them.
9./ She looks like a son.😊🤷♀️ Her most frequent playmate amongst her siblings is her older brother. Her elder sisters were off at boarding school in her earlier years but he was at home and is closest to her in age. This has influenced her preferences and style in many ways.
10./ Most often she prefers to wear his old clothes rather than her girly ones. She has more fun kicking a football or shooting hoops alone or with him than playing with her dolls. If you give her a doll, the greatest pleasure she gets from it is shaving off the doll’s hair.
11./ Yet depending on her mood, she has a great deal of fun messing about in my make-up or playing dress-up in my heels. Recently I bought her and her brother Airforce Ones. She was ecstatic over them. Shortly after, I bought her some ballerina shoes.
12./ She declared that with the appearance of the ballerina shoes, she needs to get her hair done for a proper girly look. I was musing about her idiosyncrasies and it occurred to me that our environment affects our outlook as parents and that of our kids.
13./ I also mused about how the environment may possibly “impose” options on us. Thinking about my daughter and her yo-yoing from girly one day to tom-boyish the next, I wondered about Nigerians emigrating to saner climes with young children.
14./ I think about the broad definition of child rights in those places. Primarily those laws serve the positive purpose of protecting vulnerable children. But sometimes in the application, may do more harm than good (if your case falls into the file of a social worker
15./ who is more concerned with the letter rather than the spirit and intent of the law). I wonder about environmental influences on impressionable, young children. In this environment, my daughter is free to be girly today and boyish tomorrow.
16./ It’s unlikely to prompt anyone to make assumptions about her gender or sexuality. (Some may, but it’s unlikely to be the norm). But imagine that we lived abroad, someone might take this childish yo-yoing as their cue to plant seeds questioning her gender and sexuality.
17./A child who is too young to understand the implications of gender and sexuality may be nudged into a decision she’s far too young to make. Worse is that if I as a parent object, I may be classed as a threat to her and my child will be taken into foster care.
18./Thoughts like this scare me, but it’s today’s reality which parents must be alive to. As we emigrate to give our children more opportunities, we should be attentive to environmental/cultural influences& differences. Their interpretation &the potential impact on our families.
