I have three teenagers. I never ask them “How was your day?” Here’s a list of questions I ask instead, and the answers always lead to discussions (and tell me a lot more about what’s going on in their lives): - what was the worst part of your day? - what happened in <class>?
- who did you sit with at lunch? - what happened during passing periods today? - what was the funniest thing you saw today? - how did your teachers act today? - what’s something that made you worry today? - how do you feel about <class/teacher>?
- what’s going on in <class> lately? - what’s the weirdest story from this week? - what did you guys talk about in <class>? (And don’t get upset when it has “nothing to do with the class”) - what are you working on for <class>? - what was on the announcements this morning?
- what’s a good meme you saw today? - how are things with <friend>? - what’s something that made you laugh today? - what’s something cool you heard about? (Don’t say “learned”– they’ll say “nothing”) - what’s a question you had today but didn’t get to ask?
- what’s was the best part of your day? - what’s something good that happened? Note that the first question on this list is negative; most people find it easier to complain than to praise. Use that your advantage when trying to pry teens out of their shells.
While I’m in drive line, I point to teachers I don’t know and ask, “Who’s this? What do they teach? What do you think of them?” (I take all opinions with a grain of salt; this is about getting to know my kids, not about judging teachers)
Or I’ll point to kids carrying stuff and ask, “what’s all this about?” (Even though I can easily deduce that it’s sports gear or a science project– my kids will start telling stories about the athletes or games or projects going on around school)
Once the school year is really rolling: - who do you have the most classes with? What are they like? - which teacher was your favorite today? - which teacher are we mad at today? (Again: grain of salt, this is about kids, not teachers) - what are you looking forward to?
If you ask, “how was your day?” They will inevitably say “good.” And you’ll follow up with, “what did you learn?” And they will say “hmmmmm nothing” Ask about everything except what they’re learning. They will tell you what they’re learning when you DON’T ask.
Letting them tell stories about “little things” gives you SO. MUCH. insight into their lives. Because when you’re 14, the “little things” are actually the big things. Respect their “big things” and they’ll open up to you.
Some good additions from the comments:
